1. I can’t break the laws of physics just so you can have more vocal in your monitor. I didn’t invent the laws, I just live by them.
2. Repeating the phrase, ‘More me, more me’ from the microphone, over and over, comes across just a bit self-centered.
3. No, there isn’t a ‘muddy knob’ I can turn down to make it sound better.
4. A new microphone will help some, but let’s not expect any miracles.
5. Do you think you could move your monitor yourself? If not, I’ll certainly run all the way down the stairs, across the auditorium and up to the stage to scoot it over three inches.
6. Oh, never mind me. I didn’t want anything from (insert restaurant here). I’ve only been here by myself for the last three hours setting all this up for you.
7. No, if you ask me to turn all the house lights down, I can’t make it so you can see the audiences’ reaction during the songs.
8. The camera angle doesn’t make your hair spike in strange directions … you do that yourself.
9. There is not a knob to make it sound more round, more blue or any other shape or color.
10. Thanks for that input on how to mix, after the service I’m going to give you some pointers on how to play music.

Community Christian Church has done a parody of the Mac v. PC commercials for a new series they are doing called “Christian No More.”

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