TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday y ou said it’s H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t
have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE: I is…

TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, “I am ”

MILLIE: Alright… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish
him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your
brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it’s the same dog.

A little boy was overheard praying:
“Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”

“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

My favorite b/c I could see my boys pulling this one:

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

At a dinner party, the hostess turned to the guests’ six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the hostess answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”